dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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