I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
pop tarts are not kleenex
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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