my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
