I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
