he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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