It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
