Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
