Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
