I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
