so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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