apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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