Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
