So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
