you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
