just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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