The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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