i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
