I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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