All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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