Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
