Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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