I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
