question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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