I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
