Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
