i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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