just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
