I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
too bad you live with your parents still
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
