Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
