How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
