Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
