did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
