you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
