i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need moral support for this bender
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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