They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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