For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
