Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
