if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
