if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
