State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
