well I can't set my house on fire every night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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