its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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