i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
