He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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