low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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