A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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