I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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