So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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