Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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