Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
