i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
