I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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