So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
