scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
