Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Terrible idea I love it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
